Saturday, November 6, 2010

Just A Drop Of Water

Just a drop of water…
To wet my tongue like you used to do
Just to pull the mug in closer…
To replace the distance we’ve created.
… I can fill it up as I please, when I’m once again reminded of the emptiness my thirst leaves.

You unreluctantly dismissed me as the tides kept pushing me to my knees…
The tears have disappeared and the tracks can no longer be seen.
But memories of our mysterious future still slip into and out of my mind like those waves that crash in my vision taunting me.
Passing by the sand I hold on loosely to the place you left me.
I go searching in far corners for water from other sources.
Still somehow I always wind up at this same place
Sometimes laying low to fall into the sound of your pulling in and out of shore.
Hoping one day you’ll reach me and pull me into your lips to wet once more.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

You Return

I can see the blood running through my veins
The sunlight gleaming through my skin
The fire burning through my eyes
The air gusting through my hair
The moon comes and takes it all away
The veins hide
My skin refuses to shine
My eyes begin to darken
And my hair falling quietly onto my face
But then you return
And warmth returns to make me sweat even in this cold night.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Sebastien Tellier "La Ritournelle"

Good Bones Bad Bone

Looking for a beautiful man
Broken bones that have healed
And skin that has peeled
Feet that have felt the ground from many lands
Eyes that have cried and seen fate slap them in the face
Lips not afraid to move in the presence of unreason
A man with a mind brave enough to play devil’s advocate to God.
Bones that have been in casts and broken free
A good man
With just a bad bone for me.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

I Promise

So far away
Trying to keep the faces and memories in my mind at all times
Never going to give up believing time together is coming soon
And will last as long as the sunset in lovers’ eyes
Rope will keep us together.
Handcuffs should come with best friends
Howl at the moon like we used to do
Cover ourselves up with hope and wake up to too early mornings
I want to keep thinking that our celebration overdue is a thing we can call on when times get too blue
But dreaming all day and praying at night keep me thinking how far have we gone
How long will we go
Without crossing eyes and keeping our promises which made the world right

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Monday, September 27, 2010

Sunday, September 26, 2010

One, More

Warms my heart
To see the love in bloom
Steals my heart
Is what the grim reaper cannot do
True love
A world of possibilities
A question of was it meant to be
Will there be only one, who I fall in love with
Will it be the first one
The sooner we meet
The more memories we will build together.
Surrounded with a shroud of mystery
Is true love an ultimate testimony of only two people in one life?
Or does love come more than once?
Is it wrong or right to hide your soul to only one other?
To let my body take over and feed on another?
The tradition has set in
The words have been engrained
The pictures are burned in my mind.
And I look upon it all in love.
I look upon it and my eyes shine
My heart opens
At the possibility of being able to open up to one, more.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Hungry For The Hearts

Where’s my Romeo
Someone to be my anywhere homie-o
I wanna hear a clap of thunder when you walk in the room
Stars shoot up send me flying to the moon

I could speak all day about the life you’d give to me
But the only thing I want is you next to me

Each day I reach into my pockets but all I see
Money, Fame, and Glamour baby that aint me
We could reach into our hearts and pull out everything we need
Cuz love is all that matters when your heart can finally feed

Monday Tuesday days go by
Wednesday Thursday cars drive on
Friday Saturday Sunday the weekend takes me nowhere when I can’t knock on your door

These meals are feeding bodies but they need so much more
We’re hungry for the hearts hearts that beat and want to roar

I’ll swim across the ocean
I’ll run through burning coals
I’ll starve my body lock it up
The one I want is also poor

Monday, September 13, 2010

A Way Through The Night

Sometimes a little sunshine is all I need to come my way
There’s a flood of darkness stirring above my skies on frequent days
But I know there’s always a rainbow waiting to release the fallen grace
Clouds that swirl dance in my mind
I believe the silver lining is just a footstep away from lighting my next move
The lightning flashes and the thunder rolls through
But they just make the beat louder for the disco ball and flashdance moves
My hands fill the air and my chin lifts towards the moon
The stars make me feel like I’m sparkling like pool surfaces in June
No need to close your window
Let the wind sweep you off your feet and exit the room
There’s a party in the street
The world is waiting for you to dance in the dark and follow your groove
I can count the blessings in my life
Remember the places I’ve been
And the sway of my hips will tell the story with every clap of reverberance
Shadows will exit from the ground that you stride
They can’t find their way the way I’m finding myself tonight

Fashions come and go
But my passion never dies
It’s the light that gives me hope
Gives me spirit through these nights
Smiles come and go
But love is all around
When hate has found its crevices
The earth knows how to wash it away
I have a hard time going to sleep at night
The stillness isn’t familiar
I’m a man of mental fluidity
Like Jane Austen conversing with elites

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Mystory

I like a little bit of country
I sleep with small towns under starry skies on my mind
My hands like to find comfort and rest in the forgotten dirt of mountain trails
Seeing tumbleweed makes me feel as excited as a kid on Christmas morning
I grew up with rattlesnakes in my backyand and a wood joist, steel roofed barn bustling with cows, horses, and sheep dog down the street, four houses away
I was born in the desert with cactus and wandering scorpions
My father was born in a faraway place known for its jungles, tigers, and elephants
But somewhere in our photo album there's a picture I'll always remember of him wearing a plaid shirt, jeans, and a straw cowboy hat
My mom grew up across the street from the Hundred Acre Woods with forts, rope swings, and a lake she would go ice skating on in the winter
A long curly blonde haired woman who dared to hitchhike through Europe in her early twenties for a year where she made money by selling encyclopedias door to door for hours a day to pay for hostels and food
For now I call the city my home
Searchin' my soul
Enjoying the many lights and always looking for some dirt to run through my hands

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Fictional Essay - Burried Treasure

I’ve been here at Capitola beach with Justin far too many times to remember. Our parents used to take us to the beach here when we were younger. They were old friends, so it turned out Justin and I would be too. Probably since I was eight, when I moved here to Santa Cruz from Colorado I’ve found my home here by the ocean.

I’m pretty much your guys’ guy when it comes down to it. I’ve played soccer since I could run and I’ve been playing guitar with my friends in an alternative rock band since the beginning of high school. I’m about to be a sophomore in college at Santa Clara University, where I’m studying political science and altogether it’s a pretty eclectic mix, sure. But life needs its variety. Or so I need it. In high school I dated a lot of girls. Never really stuck around with one for too long. The commitment scared me, I’ll admit. And I guess I just never really found the right girl.

Justin on the other hand, grew up with his mom and sister, where he seems to fit in great. Especially when it comes to making sure there’s always dinner on the table and helping them when they can’t decide what to wear. He took very much to the water in a more physical sense as well. He was probably a fish in another life. He’s been swimming since he could doggie paddle and broke the 500 yard freestyle record at our high school three times. However, it’s hard to get him to go out to places with my friends and me. First of all, because we mostly go to straight clubs, but also because he works himself to the bone swimming, going to school, and working. All, of course, behind taking care of his family. They don’t need as much help as he thinks they do. But ever since his father left his mom when he was five and she was pregnant with his younger sister, Julie, he’s taken on the role as the man of the house. Which is probably why he’s always been more mature than anyone else I know our age. That’s for sure.

Though we’re best friends now, we’ve definitely had our fair share of drama. But all that’s in the past. For now, at least.


My eyes glazed back to the ocean shore where Justin and I were sitting. We were just a couple yards away from the restless tides rolling in and out surprising birds that played on the renewing wet surface of the sand. Setting off to the west in front of us the disappearing sun was melting the blue sky of Santa Cruz with puddle shades of orange, red, pink, and purple. The still ocean calmed everything around it and rocked Justin and me into a tranquil conversation about past trips to the beach and what we wanted to accomplish the next school year. Mid conversation a tear peaked through my right eye and I tried laughing it off but the confidence wasn’t as sound. I don’t know why this happened exactly. I suppose just because there’s just a lot going through my head at the moment... Birds flocked overhead, some landing on the distant rock protruding from the water. Squawks minutely filled the air but were not as resonant as the constant waist high waves breaking one after the other.

Invigorating, the ocean breeze was the one part of this place that could only be experienced here in person. It was unmistakable and would always be my favorite part of coming here. Without this smell I don’t think I would know who I am. When I’m far away, I always know I’m getting closer to home when I can smell the salty air wafting more and more.

For a still moment, I could feel time being bent. I was eight years old and nineteen at the same time. I had everyone here with me, and yet only Justin. It’s strange how much I care for him. He’s my best friend yes, but there’s something different about how I feel toward him. Something very deep and powerful. He’s the most compassionate person I know. He’s honest to the core about who he is and doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks about him but himself.. I feel like I could tell him anything. And though I wanted to tell him something I hadn’t told anyone, having not told anyone already, made me think I could still change this part of me that is tearing apart inside me bit by bit. I think Justin knows too… what I keep secret from everyone else. And he’s been waiting for me to share with him ever since he came out to me when he was sixteen and we were at this same beach. It was easier for him, though. He wasn’t playing soccer with most of his friends. Going to straight bars with them. Trying to play guitar in an alternative rock band and have a father who would rather him be dead than… But I’m not. It’s just something that I’m being paranoid about. I’m still getting to know myself. And so what if when every time I start to get serious with a girl I find myself backing away. It’s completely normal. Completely…

Justin could sense I was running things in my head again. He had been talking about the previous night when his mom was walking out of their home with toilet paper stuck to her purse. I was just nodding along trying to pay attention but I was stuck on this thing that was burning up inside of me, yearning to break free. But this was still something I didn’t want to do. I’m straight. That’s that. Simple.

“… Julie was laughing so hard she was starting to accumulate a mound of drool where she stood keeling over.”

“Sounds like you guys were having a good time.” I came out of my contemplative state.

“Theo, is something on your mind? I can’t help but notice you keeping very quiet to yourself tonight.”

“I’m fine. I just keep thinking about the game.”

“That was four days ago, wasn’t it?” Justin said.

“Yeah, I guess so.” I stumbled through my words.

“Theo,” Justin broke the very nonchalant pattern of our conversation. “I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while now. I’ve thought about telling you and not telling you for a really long time. But my instinct is telling me this is something that I shouldn’t hide any longer.”

Justin paused for a second. He lifted his chin up from being tilted toward the sand and his words came up without murmur or fluctuation.

“I love you.”

I don’t know what he expected me to say. Maybe repeat what he just said to me or smile and say something similar. But my own self inflicted confusion caused me to pull back and I staggered hoarsely to say something back.

“Thanks,” I pulled out of nowhere

I actually began to feel wet drops slide down my face. I can’t understand why I was doing this. Everything in my life had just collided into one place and time and here I was standing still, waiting to wake up from it all.

“I don’t know what to say. I wish I could be more articulate right now. But you have to understand it’s not as easy for me to just be outgoing about who I am. I’m just not ready to change my whole life like this.”

“I understand,” Justin responded.

“Do you want to head back to the car now? I forgot my jacket and I should probably be heading home now anyway,” I jumbled together on the spot.

“Sure,” Justin managed to say.

We walked away from the darkened beach which we had arrived at so bright and full of color. Eventually we made it to the end of the beach where the cement steps raised us up to the street.

When stepping onto the pavement we emptied our shoes of the sand we'd collected. The beating of the soles was a nice interruption of the silence we had been keeping since what we had just said to each other near the water. I collected myself again and tried to push myself to say something more. All that occurred was the opening of my mouth. Nothing reverberated.

Silence continued to creep around us as we picked up our chests from leaning forward tying our shoes and repeated our fake interests in the surroundings on our way to the car. We began to approach the hill my car was parked on and the journey up seemed like a mountain. I just wanted to start the car and make it back home so I could be alone again and not have to deal with what I'd been putting off my whole life. I'm not gay. This mountain was beginning to wear on me, and the one thing that could help make this better, Justin, is the one person I'm ignoring right next to me.

By the time I reach the top of this hill, I will decide if I'll tell Justin how I really feel about him too.

We were almost there and I could begin to see my two door red ’99 Honda civic. The quiet was pressing on me and each step closer felt like my heart was being pushed harder by some force. Finally we were steps away from my car. Beneath a large oak tree with no other cars surrounding, because of it being so late, he walked to the passenger side of the car and I walked to the driver’s. He stood there waiting for me to unlock the car but I stopped.

“Justin”

“Yes?”

I stared at him with the car between us and the way he looked so effortlessly beautiful I began to walk to the other side of the car where he stood. Eventually, only half a foot stood between us. Then everything that was holding me back seemed to disappear. My answer to what I’d been wondering was inches in front of me as though he had stopped the world around us for me to take my last step now.

Finally the car ride home was behind us and we were back at my house where we sat on the porch in front of my home nestled in the beginning of the Santa Cruz Mountains flowing with brush, large rock formations, and spurts of trees where wildlife flourished especially now since it was summer. The porch light was on and Justin was in my arms and though it was very cold outside, I felt warm and comfortable finally, it seemed for the first time in my life.

Monday, July 5, 2010

I Want To Feel Your Bones

I want to feel your bones
I want to brush my lips up against your perfect skin
Scrape my heart on your soul
And bury worries with this goal
If I can make you see me whole

My eyes are rapidly moving
But a rapturing one like you makes these movements find rest
The secrets of my world are wrapped carefully in this body
And by the end of this tonight more than sweat will find its way escaping me.
But it’s good sailing along the way
The winds have pushed me to your bay
And the sun is dancing on your face

Only if there’s a smile peering through
Can the breaking of boundaries find a soft pace

Smokey visions fasten the grip of my limbs around you
I’ll let you go for any request. But for now it’s tight unless

Where the rumble of this collision finds direction
We’ll make our way through this life together.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

To Open The Door

I want to stub my heart on something new
I want to be harpooned and get love sick till I feel blue
If I could find another man to tangle my heart with passion and desire
If I could find another man to open my eyes to the glow of his fire.

I want to stub my heart on the vision of beauty unearthed in my life
… Love is waiting for me to open the door.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Desert Of Us

Baby rain on me
Baby don’t burn me alive
Baby tell me the life that I see isn’t a lie
These bones can keep tracking through the sands of time
But I need to know something is on the other side.

I haven’t seen life in this barren landscape for years
From the blue cloudless skies I know you’ve long gone astray
Don’t tell me you’re near, or the sand will disappear
I’ve got enough strength if you haven’t gone away

Sigh

Our sweats combine
Our bodies intertwined
Our eyes are forming galaxies
The world around us is out of sight
Every inch of your body is a battlefield
Every time we touch we explode
You could knock me on the floor with just the brush of your hair
The weather changes but it leaves me wanting more
No storm could push me. The sun couldn’t melt me.
Those are only things you can make me do.
I bought you everything that our hearts had in store
We left the shop with empty shelves galore.
Now the oceans will divide us.
And people will surprise us.
But the solitude you replaced
Is nothing I’d try to chase again.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Trying To Forget Remembering

I’ve tried letting go
Giving into the tears
Praying if only the flood would wash away the thoughts of you
My hands have reached for new fruit
And feasted my eyes on more
But your place in my life, has become a hole so deep to refill
I try to build mountains to take the attention away

I’m rolling down this road spotting oasises on the side
And all I can think of is how beautiful you would look next to me under that sun
Nights go by and I remind myself of all the other stars in the sky
No matter what I dream, the only light I’ve been able to recall is yours

I pick up my feet
I walk on by
All the millions of people
who just make me feel more alone

Can I keep on walking far enough to cross you again
I just keep on walking
Trying to find something new
With or without you.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Acid Rain Rain Go Away

I wish I had always been good
I wish these hands could have been kept clean
I wish this smile had never faded away so many times
I wish I looked further ahead than the next step, if that
The road I stumbled down, track my jealousy through, let my hand sneak in pockets that weren’t mine
Danger was a frequent sign of the mistakes I’ve made

Some faces I see have a rainbow like radiance
I believe I will be able to forget the trouble I’ve caused
Out of me I will reflect a beauty that will say the storm in over for this man too

Friday, April 30, 2010

The Gardens That Have Dried

I want you to hit me
I want to break the skin of your madness
I want to remember the pain you crept up inside
The stir in your eyes was unremorseful, but at least I grew in your fire
Relinquish your pain, remind me of broken times
Put me on the battlefield and have no mercy tonight

I remember being on the edge of good and bad in your head
I remember singing songs to rock me to sleep in my bed

Kinda wish I hit you back
Kinda wish you felt my back hand too
Tears made their way to my floor
Now it’s your turn to flood the gardens that have dried

Now it’s your turn to feel the murder of beautiful love
It’s a crush, it’s a step, it’s a kick in the side
To lay there on the dirt and see my face forgetting you’re alive.

I’ve got dirt on my knees
I’ve got burns from your outburst
You will make it alright
I did and it’s part of the fight.

No cruelty intended
No pushing allowed
I just want one shot
For the hundreds of lonely nights



(*MESSAGE TO READER: I was never actually involved in a physically abusive relationship. These are just extractions from my experiences with jabs to myself in a non-physical sense.)

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Some Things Never Change

Hanging upside down

Watching the world go by

Suspended in my universe

Of laughing through this moment I have bent

'

Rewound the memories of swinging on branches when I was young

Never knowing the reenacting of our species on the playground

Hair upside down and blood rushing to my face

Smiling about my talents of holding on with no hands to brace

'

A mystery how the gravity never brought me down

I'm sure more than a few have had their fair share of broken crowns

Yet the pump of yelling calling cheering felt warm to hear the sounds

The swoosh of wind and current of gasping

Made the world go by so fast and flying behind me, all in the joy of monkeying around

Monday, April 26, 2010

50 Yeard Line

Tackle me
Pull me to the ground
We’re going to need some sturdy surfaces for our party
Grill me to the stakes
You’re going to need to tie me down at times
Clumps of grass and dirt make their way in the sky
You’re the only one I’m seeing
We can get as dirty as we want tonight
The bruises come
The tears will shed
Count down to blast off
We’re going intergalactic with our missile fires

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Parked in a Parking Lot on the Side of Blossom Hill After the Sports Mart and Before the Overpass

midnight passion

dark blues

glimpses of reds

moving fast

hands flying

whispers cooing

bodies pressing

hearts beating

chests thumping

'

laying on top of me

laying on top of you

traveling places in our eyes and minds

feeling the muscle in your thighs

tight grip, locked up for the night

making love, I’ve finally won this fight

forty five mintues of never letting go

parked in a parking lot on the side of Blossom Hill after the Sports Mart and before the overpass

we rolled back and forth

and made up for lost time

`

the moon was the light I used to see your face

the stars brought us closer, as we rocked this beautiful car right into outer space

`

I still feel your body pressed up against mine

I still see the colors of the world through our eyes

making their way to haunt me these lonesome nights

making their way to remind me of the whispers gone so quiet

and your face across from mine

of your body touching mine

of the knots our tongues tied

`

for forty five minutes we wrestled hoplessly with all our promise and might

the best parked car ride of my life

Parked Near The Haunted Convent in Los Gatos

Parked cars

Move fast

Tempted bodies

Warm up unwrapped

Suddenly eyes dance in the starlight

Pushing the boundaries we said were drawn earlier in the night

Slightly letting go, smoothly giving in, to temptation that has risen

And set these souls on fire

Breathe of life, now I see where the name comes from

I wasn’t living before this tango of sin

Resuscitate me, revive my insides

Remind me there’s danger to keep me alive

A moment of truce

When two worlds collide

The cushions begin to rumble

From the tossing of lives

Making their way further and further

Causing earthquakes in my mind

Hungry for your romance

But it got forgotten with our demise

Something still reminds me of the car ride and the thrill

Somehow just the kiss, was the dangerous and unforgettable part that kills.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Where Do All My Memories Go?

Where do all my memories go?
The ones I forget…?
Pebbles on the beach that could call no other place home
Stars in the sky that make it light just a little bit more
Fish in the sea that make it just a little more colorful
Books on the shelves that add just a little more knowledge
Trees in the forest that make it just a little more full
Flowers in the garden that make it just a little more dreamlike
Love in my life that’s made me a little more strong
Friends in my life I’ll never forget
The places we’ve been, will keep our memories

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Sticking My Neck Out At The Shooting Range

Some things are hard to say out loud.

Be it the controversy, the sacrifice, or the truth.

It’s ‘the land of no return’.

A sudden vulnerability.

In a moment my image changes.

My reputation is up at the shooting range.

Words can be fired back and I may be standing all alone in front of this bull’s-eye.

If not, the eyes share their expressions unreleased.

Dodging bullets I can bear.

But walking in the same line day in and out will rot my youth, individuality, and potential.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Continuing The Understanding Of The Almaden Woman

The woman we saw every day, never going anywhere but by foot

A mystery as dark when she roamed our lives continues in her sudden disappearance.

As old as the trees, but as confusing as life forms from another planet.

She burned a place in our memories. Of the loud silence that is made from taking life slowly.

Few of us saw the true look in her eyes. The searing voices of a history none of us knew.

A closed book. With a lock and no key. But perhaps that why she was walking. Trying to find the way to uncover the answers to her questions.

Cars driving so fast. So blaring in the streets. It leaves little time and room for the mind to tick.

Wheels turning in our head as quickly as they do on the road explains the answers in front of our noses we’re too distracted to unveil.

Buried within our history, or floating somewhere in our destiny, we’ll never reach them at this pace. The answers just can’t keep up with the questions. And we’re walking in circles when the answers’ within.

Where was she walking to and from?

I wonder who knows. But perhaps that wasn’t the point.

Maybe she found what she was looking for long ago past.

And kept it in with her through every step she took.

I Keep Them Wide Open

Dirt, rust, smog. Burns that make their way to the core.

Clean is a brand new toy I like to take for a ride on nights to the town.

But the grunge that’s rotten into my soul is a part of my everyday wardrobe; naked or completely covered in Gucci.

My eyes have gotten weary but I keep them wide open for the hope that I may find something else as beautifully tarnished as I am.

Dents in my body are part of the game;

when you’re fighting for winning against endless tides

Call it my anguish.

Pungent thoughts from stirring poisonous gases.

But nothing will stop me from bearing green leaves to fight the chemicals lofting in the universe.

And these may just be fightin’ words.

Still, I know you live in places that trash you too.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Crowds

Is there an adverse affect to finding out who I am?

Is this just a journey to separate myself from the rest?

To find a place no one has been to?

To settle myself in hills no one else can reach?

To see stars and valleys only I can bear witness to?

Will these bones be strong enough to make it down the hill every day to join the crowds?

And will I be able to fit in again after my mold is so distorted?

The strange thing is, when I do, I always seem to encounter people who seem to come from places just as far away as I’ve come.

Whom have seen valleys no one else has seen.

And can tell stories of their constellations no one else has told.

Their reform doesn’t seem to have fit the mold anymore eighter.

And I love them for this courage to have disregarded it completely too.

Sometimes I miss the mold and it’s disillusionments I just ran through when I was younger.

The way I could hold my breath and find excitement in looking up that hill.

But back then, there weren’t any other people who seemed to be coming up or down from the hill either.

Either I had my sunglasses on again or perhaps I wasn’t looking at all.

I don’t know how I made it to my home in the hill tops.

Or why it seems so cold when I am up there by myself.

But I find warmth in knowing I’ve met people who are making homes in hilltops of their own.

And that we’ve both got bones feeling from the trek, or boots tracking in the dirt. I like the wear on my soul. And I like the toss of molds happening at the foot of the off beaten path.

They’re always the first to go. And now less often picked up when coming back down to the city streets.

And it’s something to remember more when my house feels so spare of the naive comfort of similarities.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Stories Never Told

First kiss never came
But it didn’t stop the flame burning in my heart
Reciprocated passion. Tempting to dance together in a tango that would last forever
Holding out, far and wide. Never letting go. Praying love will stay despite
Finding out that you were alone. That someone saw your fire
Seeking love in distant places. Leaves this story in pieces
Shadows still linger where this bonfire once enthralled
Remnants of the spirits that have seen us through this all

Stories never told, yet kept inside our minds
Remembering every word, and humming every tune
Bending all the rules, that the world allowed us to
I kept my heart in lock and key waiting for your light
I felt it once before though stagnant
I reached but never touched
I saw but never knew
The spirits that first drew me. And brought your spark to view

I sang but never heard
I steered but lost direction
I found a voice to say my peace,
Though your message said, “mistaken”
Paths rolled out like nothing changed -
The time that passed, I knew -
had made me feel untouched, less burdened
When nothing came from you

I’ll never chase the years I spent
Burning strong for you
The story wasn’t hard to read
Just foretelling it was true




Written Nov 12, 2009
(c)copyright

The Rabbit Hole

Falling

How deep does this go?

Can anyone see me?

I’ve tripped and I’m coming toward the ground in slow motion and all the world is running through my mind.

Not a thought of the pain

Not a glimpse of life before

Falling

Gavity

Letting go of everything around me

Wind pushing from all directions

Peacefulness in my weightlessness

Falling

Love be my catcher

I close my eyes I could fall forever only in knowing you are falling with me.

And we’ll catch each other somehow

Senses overlap

And time doesn’t stand a chance

No one can see us

Everyone can see us

Invisible passion

Tangible connection

Together we stand

Divided we fall

Falling

Falling

We all fall down

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

All of a Sudden

All of a sudden

It came from the corner of my eye

Swiftly coming into view

Coursing electricity through my veins

Charging the sockets of my eyes

Hair on end with nowhere to go

Lost direction but I know I’m heading toward you

Fever, fever, hundred and three

Sweating, breathing, gleaming, at thee

Pump pump my heart’s the bass of the beat

Is this attraction? ‘cuz your magnetizin me

Monday, March 22, 2010

These Juices

these juices

are flowing out like the blood running through these veins

you’re missing out on the taste of this fruit

the colors, the smell, the touch, the sweetness

you could grip me and never let me go

you could rub your hands all over my body

you could lay me down and just watch me drip

drip with all the nutrients you’d ever need in your life

but perhaps these juices never again meet your lips

a tragedy of greek proportions

because the tree I came from bore none other so perfect to cusp in your hand

now the juices flow every day

and this taste has never been so ripe

you can reach me in the garden

if you’re willing to jump

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Love Birds

It wasn’t enough to go for my heart, you had to go for my soul

It wasn’t enough to make me smile, you had to make me cry

But falling wasn’t the hardest. It was the inches between us when we flew into the sky,

and didn’t hear anyone else but ourselves

I’m searching for that one now

Whom with I’ll return to the clouds

It will be okay if you’ve been there before too

Just promise the distances between us wont be enough to keep us apart

With our bodies pressed up against each other we’ll just laugh at the winds

And learn why the birds sing songs

Monday, February 22, 2010

Body Body

Rough, rough

On the floor I want it rough

Push me down. Pull me up

Scrape my knees and spill some blood

Rake me ‘round the floor and bite my every limb

I got a soft spot for you. And everywhere else it’s gunna be tough

Carpet burn and ashes flying. The walls go thump and they think that we’re dieing

Laugh and moan our hearts rise high

My tongue with yours. Your heart with mine

Body, body, bones are crashing

Sweat and dirt are my new cologne

When you’re around and no one’s home

Push My Heart

Push my heart,

to distances it has never been

Rip it out and squeeze it as it pulls itself in

Let it expand as it pumps itself full again with the fire I’ve given it through the years

Does it burn your hands?

Does it make you feel alive?

This time I have given it to you

This time all I want is the same in return

You have pulled out my heart

And you push it back in

I smile because you are the reason my heart beats

I’ll wait again until we rip each other’s hearts out once more

It is then I see it beat in front of my eyes

And when it finally breathes

My heart was not meant to be kept inside

The flames are too powerful for this one man to hide

Push. Push my heart to distances it has never been.

... And let me pull my heart back in

I’ll keep it there for you

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Sun On Water

Looking through the shimmering layer of the silky water's surface.

Rolling helplessly with the forces that brush up against its permeable body.

Just as I look out, the swaying pendulum of my thoughts rolls in and out of focus, and I cannot catch the floating winds that move me.

Passing by are the simple beauties caught in glimpses which shook me avant guard and set me gracefully into borrowed serenity.

Sifting into sunlight’s delightful bearance of surrounding warmth, pressing against my naked body. I stand motionless and admire this casting gaze in full open air.

This warmth I search for gallantly brushes against to my heart, to my soul, to my absorbing skin catching this comfort as I bring my body into full contact onto this baking poolside deck.

Calling for sounds of familiar melodies I heard not yesterday, but long ago past. When the flowers first basked in the summer afternoon days. When laughter was a four letter word that dropped out of the skies like spring showers. And footprints of wet feet unveiled trails of mysterious echoes from playing.

Will you be as easy to find as my summertime fantasies as a child? Or will your waters call for me to see through your choppy flirtations which shake my visions of your true depths and entice me to lower myself slowly into your world of disillusionment?

Will you be as fleeting?.. Or will you stay like the sun on the water that never lets go?

Friday, February 5, 2010

The Hunt

You’re so hard to find, but I got you on my radar
Like watching ships go by, I just can’t get a hold of you
Got my ignition turned on, and I’m set in overdrive
Got my heart on fire I’m gunna melt you from a thousand miles


I’m sniffin the tracks, this bloodhounds got a nack for love
If finding trouble was a game, my trophies would reach to the skies
But trouble’s in the past. And baby I can still get rough


Center stage the spotlight’s on
Shine your bright gaze on me
Nothing’s going to blind me now


Hope you can run, cuz after all this chasing
You know it’s got me all worked up

Monday, January 25, 2010

Saturday, January 23, 2010

New

Wash away the dirt

I pick up when I fell.
Cling to my unclean self and
fight the worries that rise.

Sing a song with your peaceful patter.

Roll in the direction leading to
larger paths.

Shine in sunlight that finds its
way to your invisible reflection.

Hang on my window and glisten
in the overflowing light of
street lamps, cars, and bustling
homes.

I can find comfort within your
sprinkling effect; you see into
darkest hours, yet do not judge.

Life's a one trip journey in your
travel from the shadows up above.

You make your way to my room
sharing this warm fire alone
in this life for two.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Sun

You brought a light to my darkness,

You glistened the harbors that were dim.

Went slowly through my mind.

Clearing grey skies and showing hope in this solitude

Sweat dripped mercilessly down my face.

I could not stop staring at you. I could not stop working, digging in the sand, thinking if I just dug deep enough maybe I’d see you on the other side when you had vanished.

But eventually you would. And the time we had left, crept away quicker than it had come.

The land became quieter. The floating birds drew back to their home nestled in the rocks.

But I pretended time didn’t work against what we had.

The world changed slowly when your bright illumination started to find home in places too far for me to reach.

I looked under rocks. Under the tides that rolled in. Peaked in shells. Even in the cliffs where I last saw you.

But the darkness was clear. I could sense this dusk was crisp enough to taste. The colors you once showed me. Are now moving across another face.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

About Woe

My photo
Words are our outright melody and no one else is going to play the songs you feel but yourself. Let me be more esoteric....just kidding. You may ask when reading my poetry, why do I use metaphors so often? After thinking that through, I honestly don't know why. My guess would be that language, though freeing, can also be restrictive. Especially in terms of expressing ourselves in attempt to understand ourselves. I, personally, get stuck in gears sometimes and I like to expand and break through traditional understanding of the concept at hand. I like to read what I'm feeling in different forms, and see if the language can lossen up more.