Friday, April 30, 2010
I want to break the skin of your madness
I want to remember the pain you crept up inside
The stir in your eyes was unremorseful, but at least I grew in your fire
Relinquish your pain, remind me of broken times
Put me on the battlefield and have no mercy tonight
I remember being on the edge of good and bad in your head
I remember singing songs to rock me to sleep in my bed
Kinda wish I hit you back
Kinda wish you felt my back hand too
Tears made their way to my floor
Now it’s your turn to flood the gardens that have dried
Now it’s your turn to feel the murder of beautiful love
It’s a crush, it’s a step, it’s a kick in the side
To lay there on the dirt and see my face forgetting you’re alive.
I’ve got dirt on my knees
I’ve got burns from your outburst
You will make it alright
I did and it’s part of the fight.
No cruelty intended
No pushing allowed
I just want one shot
For the hundreds of lonely nights
(*MESSAGE TO READER: I was never actually involved in a physically abusive relationship. These are just extractions from my experiences with jabs to myself in a non-physical sense.)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Hanging upside down
Watching the world go by
Suspended in my universe
Of laughing through this moment I have bent
Rewound the memories of swinging on branches when I was young
Never knowing the reenacting of our species on the playground
Hair upside down and blood rushing to my face
Smiling about my talents of holding on with no hands to brace
A mystery how the gravity never brought me down
I'm sure more than a few have had their fair share of broken crowns
Yet the pump of yelling calling cheering felt warm to hear the sounds
The swoosh of wind and current of gasping
Made the world go by so fast and flying behind me, all in the joy of monkeying around
Monday, April 26, 2010
Pull me to the ground
We’re going to need some sturdy surfaces for our party
Grill me to the stakes
You’re going to need to tie me down at times
Clumps of grass and dirt make their way in the sky
You’re the only one I’m seeing
We can get as dirty as we want tonight
The bruises come
The tears will shed
Count down to blast off
We’re going intergalactic with our missile fires
Sunday, April 25, 2010
glimpses of reds
laying on top of me
laying on top of you
traveling places in our eyes and minds
feeling the muscle in your thighs
tight grip, locked up for the night
making love, I’ve finally won this fight
forty five mintues of never letting go
parked in a parking lot on the side of Blossom Hill after the Sports Mart and before the overpass
we rolled back and forth
and made up for lost time
the moon was the light I used to see your face
the stars brought us closer, as we rocked this beautiful car right into outer space
I still feel your body pressed up against mine
I still see the colors of the world through our eyes
making their way to haunt me these lonesome nights
making their way to remind me of the whispers gone so quiet
and your face across from mine
of your body touching mine
of the knots our tongues tied
for forty five minutes we wrestled hoplessly with all our promise and might
the best parked car ride of my life
Warm up unwrapped
Suddenly eyes dance in the starlight
Pushing the boundaries we said were drawn earlier in the night
Slightly letting go, smoothly giving in, to temptation that has risen
And set these souls on fire
Breathe of life, now I see where the name comes from
I wasn’t living before this tango of sin
Resuscitate me, revive my insides
Remind me there’s danger to keep me alive
A moment of truce
When two worlds collide
The cushions begin to rumble
From the tossing of lives
Making their way further and further
Causing earthquakes in my mind
Hungry for your romance
But it got forgotten with our demise
Something still reminds me of the car ride and the thrill
Somehow just the kiss, was the dangerous and unforgettable part that kills.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Some things are hard to say out loud.
Be it the controversy, the sacrifice, or the truth.
It’s ‘the land of no return’.
A sudden vulnerability.
In a moment my image changes.
My reputation is up at the shooting range.
Words can be fired back and I may be standing all alone in front of this bull’s-eye.
If not, the eyes share their expressions unreleased.
Dodging bullets I can bear.
But walking in the same line day in and out will rot my youth, individuality, and potential.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The woman we saw every day, never going anywhere but by foot
A mystery as dark when she roamed our lives continues in her sudden disappearance.
As old as the trees, but as confusing as life forms from another planet.
She burned a place in our memories. Of the loud silence that is made from taking life slowly.
Few of us saw the true look in her eyes. The searing voices of a history none of us knew.
A closed book. With a lock and no key. But perhaps that why she was walking. Trying to find the way to uncover the answers to her questions.
Cars driving so fast. So blaring in the streets. It leaves little time and room for the mind to tick.
Wheels turning in our head as quickly as they do on the road explains the answers in front of our noses we’re too distracted to unveil.
Buried within our history, or floating somewhere in our destiny, we’ll never reach them at this pace. The answers just can’t keep up with the questions. And we’re walking in circles when the answers’ within.
Where was she walking to and from?
I wonder who knows. But perhaps that wasn’t the point.
Maybe she found what she was looking for long ago past.
And kept it in with her through every step she took.
Dirt, rust, smog. Burns that make their way to the core.
Clean is a brand new toy I like to take for a ride on nights to the town.
But the grunge that’s rotten into my soul is a part of my everyday wardrobe; naked or completely covered in Gucci.
My eyes have gotten weary but I keep them wide open for the hope that I may find something else as beautifully tarnished as I am.
Dents in my body are part of the game;
when you’re fighting for winning against endless tides
Call it my anguish.
Pungent thoughts from stirring poisonous gases.
But nothing will stop me from bearing green leaves to fight the chemicals lofting in the universe.
And these may just be fightin’ words.
Still, I know you live in places that trash you too.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Is there an adverse affect to finding out who I am?
Is this just a journey to separate myself from the rest?
To find a place no one has been to?
To settle myself in hills no one else can reach?
To see stars and valleys only I can bear witness to?
Will these bones be strong enough to make it down the hill every day to join the crowds?
And will I be able to fit in again after my mold is so distorted?
The strange thing is, when I do, I always seem to encounter people who seem to come from places just as far away as I’ve come.
Whom have seen valleys no one else has seen.
And can tell stories of their constellations no one else has told.
Their reform doesn’t seem to have fit the mold anymore eighter.
And I love them for this courage to have disregarded it completely too.
Sometimes I miss the mold and it’s disillusionments I just ran through when I was younger.
The way I could hold my breath and find excitement in looking up that hill.
But back then, there weren’t any other people who seemed to be coming up or down from the hill either.
Either I had my sunglasses on again or perhaps I wasn’t looking at all.
I don’t know how I made it to my home in the hill tops.
Or why it seems so cold when I am up there by myself.
But I find warmth in knowing I’ve met people who are making homes in hilltops of their own.
And that we’ve both got bones feeling from the trek, or boots tracking in the dirt. I like the wear on my soul. And I like the toss of molds happening at the foot of the off beaten path.
They’re always the first to go. And now less often picked up when coming back down to the city streets.
And it’s something to remember more when my house feels so spare of the naive comfort of similarities.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
But it didn’t stop the flame burning in my heart
Reciprocated passion. Tempting to dance together in a tango that would last forever
Holding out, far and wide. Never letting go. Praying love will stay despite
Finding out that you were alone. That someone saw your fire
Seeking love in distant places. Leaves this story in pieces
Shadows still linger where this bonfire once enthralled
Remnants of the spirits that have seen us through this all
Stories never told, yet kept inside our minds
Remembering every word, and humming every tune
Bending all the rules, that the world allowed us to
I kept my heart in lock and key waiting for your light
I felt it once before though stagnant
I reached but never touched
I saw but never knew
The spirits that first drew me. And brought your spark to view
I sang but never heard
I steered but lost direction
I found a voice to say my peace,
Though your message said, “mistaken”
Paths rolled out like nothing changed -
The time that passed, I knew -
had made me feel untouched, less burdened
When nothing came from you
I’ll never chase the years I spent
Burning strong for you
The story wasn’t hard to read
Just foretelling it was true
Written Nov 12, 2009
How deep does this go?
Can anyone see me?
I’ve tripped and I’m coming toward the ground in slow motion and all the world is running through my mind.
Not a thought of the pain
Not a glimpse of life before
Letting go of everything around me
Wind pushing from all directions
Peacefulness in my weightlessness
Love be my catcher
I close my eyes I could fall forever only in knowing you are falling with me.
And we’ll catch each other somehow
And time doesn’t stand a chance
No one can see us
Everyone can see us
Together we stand
Divided we fall
We all fall down
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
All of a sudden
It came from the corner of my eye
Swiftly coming into view
Coursing electricity through my veins
Charging the sockets of my eyes
Hair on end with nowhere to go
Lost direction but I know I’m heading toward you
Fever, fever, hundred and three
Sweating, breathing, gleaming, at thee
Pump pump my heart’s the bass of the beat
Is this attraction? ‘cuz your magnetizin me
- Words are our outright melody and no one else is going to play the songs you feel but yourself. Let me be more esoteric....just kidding. You may ask when reading my poetry, why do I use metaphors so often? After thinking that through, I honestly don't know why. My guess would be that language, though freeing, can also be restrictive. Especially in terms of expressing ourselves in attempt to understand ourselves. I, personally, get stuck in gears sometimes and I like to expand and break through traditional understanding of the concept at hand. I like to read what I'm feeling in different forms, and see if the language can lossen up more.