Where Do All My Memories Go?

Where do all my memories go?

The ones I forget…?

Pebbles on the beach that could call no other place home

Stars in the sky that make it light just a little bit more

Fish in the sea that make it just a little more colorful

Books on the shelves that add just a little more knowledge

Trees in the forest that make it just a little more full

Flowers in the garden that make it just a little more dreamlike

Love in my life that’s made me a little more strong

Friends in my life I’ll never forget

The places we’ve been, will keep our memories

Sticking My Neck Out At The Shooting Range

Some things are hard to say out loud.

Be it the controversy, the sacrifice, or the truth.

It’s ‘the land of no return’.

A sudden vulnerability.

In a moment my image changes.

My reputation is up at the shooting range.

Words can be fired back and I may be standing all alone in front of this bull’s-eye.

If not, the eyes share their expressions unreleased.

Dodging bullets I can bear.

But walking in the same line day in and out will rot my youth, individuality, and potential.

Continuing The Understanding Of The Almaden Woman

The woman we saw every day, never going anywhere but by foot

A mystery as dark when she roamed our lives continues in her sudden disappearance.

As old as the trees, but as confusing as life forms from another planet.

She burned a place in our memories. Of the loud silence that is made from taking life slowly.

Few of us saw the true look in her eyes. The searing voices of a history none of us knew.

A closed book. With a lock and no key. But perhaps that why she was walking. Trying to find the way to uncover the answers to her questions.

Cars driving so fast. So blaring in the streets. It leaves little time and room for the mind to tick.

Wheels turning in our head as quickly as they do on the road explains the answers in front of our noses we’re too distracted to unveil.

Buried within our history, or floating somewhere in our destiny, we’ll never reach them at this pace. The answers just can’t keep up with the questions. And we’re walking in circles when the answers’ within.

Where was she walking to and from?

I wonder who knows. But perhaps that wasn’t the point.

Maybe she found what she was looking for long ago past.

And kept it in with her through every step she took.

I Keep Them Wide Open

Dirt, rust, smog. Burns that make their way to the core.

Clean is a brand new toy I like to take for a ride on nights to the town.

But the grunge that’s rotten into my soul is a part of my everyday wardrobe; naked or completely covered in Gucci.

My eyes have gotten weary but I keep them wide open for the hope that I may find something else as beautifully tarnished as I am.

Dents in my body are part of the game;

when you’re fighting for winning against endless tides

Call it my anguish.

Pungent thoughts from stirring poisonous gases.

But nothing will stop me from bearing green leaves to fight the chemicals lofting in the universe.

And these may just be fightin’ words.

Still, I know you live in places that trash you too.

The Crowds

Is there an adverse affect to finding out who I am?

Is this just a journey to separate myself from the rest?

To find a place no one has been to?

To settle myself in hills no one else can reach?

To see stars and valleys only I can bear witness to?

Will these bones be strong enough to make it down the hill every day to join the crowds?

And will I be able to fit in again after my mold is so distorted?

The strange thing is, when I do, I always seem to encounter people who seem to come from places just as far away as I’ve come.

Whom have seen valleys no one else has seen.

And can tell stories of their constellations no one else has told.

Their reform doesn’t seem to have fit the mold anymore eighter.

And I love them for this courage to have disregarded it completely too.

Sometimes I miss the mold and it’s disillusionments I just ran through when I was younger.

The way I could hold my breath and find excitement in looking up that hill.

But back then, there weren’t any other people who seemed to be coming up or down from the hill either.

Either I had my sunglasses on again or perhaps I wasn’t looking at all.

I don’t know how I made it to my home in the hill tops.

Or why it seems so cold when I am up there by myself.

But I find warmth in knowing I’ve met people who are making homes in hilltops of their own.

And that we’ve both got bones feeling from the trek, or boots tracking in the dirt. I like the wear on my soul. And I like the toss of molds happening at the foot of the off beaten path.

They’re always the first to go. And now less often picked up when coming back down to the city streets.

And it’s something to remember more when my house feels so spare of the naive comfort of similarities.

Stories Never Told

First kiss never came
But it didn’t stop the flame burning in my heart
Reciprocated passion. Tempting to dance together in a tango that would last forever
Holding out, far and wide. Never letting go. Praying love will stay despite
Finding out that you were alone. That someone saw your fire
Seeking love in distant places. Leaves this story in pieces
Shadows still linger where this bonfire once enthralled
Remnants of the spirits that have seen us through this all

Stories never told, yet kept inside our minds
Remembering every word, and humming every tune
Bending all the rules, that the world allowed us to
I kept my heart in lock and key waiting for your light
I felt it once before though stagnant
I reached but never touched
I saw but never knew
The spirits that first drew me. And brought your spark to view

I sang but never heard
I steered but lost direction
I found a voice to say my peace,
Though your message said, “mistaken”
Paths rolled out like nothing changed -
The time that passed, I knew -
had made me feel untouched, less burdened
When nothing came from you

I’ll never chase the years I spent
Burning strong for you
The story wasn’t hard to read
Just foretelling it was true




Written Nov 12, 2009
(c)copyright

The Rabbit Hole

Falling

How deep does this go?

Can anyone see me?

I’ve tripped and I’m coming toward the ground in slow motion and all the world is running through my mind.

Not a thought of the pain

Not a glimpse of life before

Falling

Gavity

Letting go of everything around me

Wind pushing from all directions

Peacefulness in my weightlessness

Falling

Love be my catcher

I close my eyes I could fall forever only in knowing you are falling with me.

And we’ll catch each other somehow

Senses overlap

And time doesn’t stand a chance

No one can see us

Everyone can see us

Invisible passion

Tangible connection

Together we stand

Divided we fall

Falling

Falling

We all fall down

All of a Sudden

All of a sudden

It came from the corner of my eye

Swiftly coming into view

Coursing electricity through my veins

Charging the sockets of my eyes

Hair on end with nowhere to go

Lost direction but I know I’m heading toward you

Fever, fever, hundred and three

Sweating, breathing, gleaming, at thee

Pump pump my heart’s the bass of the beat

Is this attraction? ‘cuz your magnetizin me

These Juices

these juices

are flowing out like the blood running through these veins

you’re missing out on the taste of this fruit

the colors, the smell, the touch, the sweetness

you could grip me and never let me go

you could rub your hands all over my body

you could lay me down and just watch me drip

drip with all the nutrients you’d ever need in your life

but perhaps these juices never again meet your lips

a tragedy of greek proportions

because the tree I came from bore none other so perfect to cusp in your hand

now the juices flow every day

and this taste has never been so ripe

you can reach me in the garden

if you’re willing to jump

Love Birds

It wasn’t enough to go for my heart, you had to go for my soul

It wasn’t enough to make me smile, you had to make me cry

But falling wasn’t the hardest. It was the inches between us when we flew into the sky,

and didn’t hear anyone else but ourselves

I’m searching for that one now

Whom with I’ll return to the clouds

It will be okay if you’ve been there before too

Just promise the distances between us wont be enough to keep us apart

With our bodies pressed up against each other we’ll just laugh at the winds

And learn why the birds sing songs

Body Body

Rough, rough

On the floor I want it rough

Push me down. Pull me up

Scrape my knees and spill some blood

Rake me ‘round the floor and bite my every limb

I got a soft spot for you. And everywhere else it’s gunna be tough

Carpet burn and ashes flying. The walls go thump and they think that we’re dieing

Laugh and moan our hearts rise high

My tongue with yours. Your heart with mine

Body, body, bones are crashing

Sweat and dirt are my new cologne

When you’re around and no one’s home

Push My Heart

Push my heart,

to distances it has never been

Rip it out and squeeze it as it pulls itself in

Let it expand as it pumps itself full again with the fire I’ve given it through the years

Does it burn your hands?

Does it make you feel alive?

This time I have given it to you

This time all I want is the same in return

You have pulled out my heart

And you push it back in

I smile because you are the reason my heart beats

I’ll wait again until we rip each other’s hearts out once more

It is then I see it beat in front of my eyes

And when it finally breathes

My heart was not meant to be kept inside

The flames are too powerful for this one man to hide

Push. Push my heart to distances it has never been.

... And let me pull my heart back in

I’ll keep it there for you

Sun On Water

Looking through the shimmering layer of the silky water's surface.

Rolling helplessly with the forces that brush up against its permeable body.

Just as I look out, the swaying pendulum of my thoughts rolls in and out of focus, and I cannot catch the floating winds that move me.

Passing by are the simple beauties caught in glimpses which shook me avant guard and set me gracefully into borrowed serenity.

Sifting into sunlight’s delightful bearance of surrounding warmth, pressing against my naked body. I stand motionless and admire this casting gaze in full open air.

This warmth I search for gallantly brushes against to my heart, to my soul, to my absorbing skin catching this comfort as I bring my body into full contact onto this baking poolside deck.

Calling for sounds of familiar melodies I heard not yesterday, but long ago past. When the flowers first basked in the summer afternoon days. When laughter was a four letter word that dropped out of the skies like spring showers. And footprints of wet feet unveiled trails of mysterious echoes from playing.

Will you be as easy to find as my summertime fantasies as a child? Or will your waters call for me to see through your choppy flirtations which shake my visions of your true depths and entice me to lower myself slowly into your world of disillusionment?

Will you be as fleeting?.. Or will you stay like the sun on the water that never lets go?

The Hunt

You’re so hard to find, but I got you on my radar
Like watching ships go by, I just can’t get a hold of you
Got my ignition turned on, and I’m set in overdrive
Got my heart on fire I’m gunna melt you from a thousand miles


I’m sniffin the tracks, this bloodhounds got a nack for love
If finding trouble was a game, my trophies would reach to the skies
But trouble’s in the past. And baby I can still get rough


Center stage the spotlight’s on
Shine your bright gaze on me
Nothing’s going to blind me now


Hope you can run, cuz after all this chasing
You know it’s got me all worked up

New

Wash away the dirt

I pick up when I fell.
Cling to my unclean self and
fight the worries that rise.

Sing a song with your peaceful patter.

Roll in the direction leading to
larger paths.

Shine in sunlight that finds its
way to your invisible reflection.

Hang on my window and glisten
in the overflowing light of
street lamps, cars, and bustling
homes.

I can find comfort within your
sprinkling effect; you see into
darkest hours, yet do not judge.

Life's a one trip journey in your
travel from the shadows up above.

You make your way to my room
sharing this warm fire alone
in this life for two.

The Sun

You brought a light to my darkness,

You glistened the harbors that were dim.

Went slowly through my mind.

Clearing grey skies and showing hope in this solitude

Sweat dripped mercilessly down my face.

I could not stop staring at you. I could not stop working, digging in the sand, thinking if I just dug deep enough maybe I’d see you on the other side when you had vanished.

But eventually you would. And the time we had left, crept away quicker than it had come.

The land became quieter. The floating birds drew back to their home nestled in the rocks.

But I pretended time didn’t work against what we had.

The world changed slowly when your bright illumination started to find home in places too far for me to reach.

I looked under rocks. Under the tides that rolled in. Peaked in shells. Even in the cliffs where I last saw you.

But the darkness was clear. I could sense this dusk was crisp enough to taste. The colors you once showed me. Are now moving across another face.

School Project for Golden Section class

For this project we were asked to make anything we want which represents ourselves using any of the properties of the golden section and some part of the human body to provide sense of proportion. I chose to make a pirate's chest using the golden section rectangle for the sides. To make the chest I cut some foam core to form the shape. Then I cut balsa wood into four narrow strips for each side of the perimeter of the chest. For the inside I covered the walls using a dark violet velour-like fabric and filled it in with gold coins and jewels (which are hard to see from the photo). On top of that, I made a hand, as my part of the human body, with self drying clay and placed one of my conche shell necklaces in it's palm.

I Am Not These Things

I am not these things

I have made myself from stronger substances.

Wielded my roots deeper than what you see

Shaken my hair in places you cannot return to

Screamed my feelings with words that will never be reordered in that same structure.

- I am raising my voice from sounds roaming only in my heart.

Lessons I have bore into my soul I do not share through the clothes I buy, the food I eat, and the way I do my hair.

I have been too tarnished by publicity, media, those who I thought were cooler than I should have thought, and pictures I think I comprehend.

But I know better than to believe the spackled surfaces I face to make me feel incomplete.

I am a hopeful person. I share with you, what I hold, from the engrained rings, that ripple out bergoening within my raw, capsulated, free standing, and concrete being.